Rules for the Sanctuary
by sunlitroses
Summary: Man this meeting is boring. Magnus would probably notice if I stopped taking notes and began doodling. Hm.
1. Rules

Diclaimer: I own nothing and profit none.

A/N: So, I was working on Reluctance and a line in the new chapter morphed into - this. I apologize in advance for my psyche.

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><p>Therefore, suggest safety guidelines expand, include:<br>- subset of electrical impulses  
>- blah, blah, blah<p>

Man, this meeting is boring.

Magnus would probably notice if I stopped taking notes and began to doodle.

Must keep writing, must keep writing, must keep writing.

Hm…

Rules for the Sanctuary

1. When Helen Magnus takes That Tone with you, maintain a low profile and do exactly what she says. You might survive that way.

2. Do not mess with the Nubbins. It doesn't matter how cute they look. If they escape again, you will be forced to track them all down by yourself. (Caution: They bite.)

3. When the Big Guy tells you to do something, just do it. Otherwise, you'll be doing it anyway, only with a headache.

4. Do not tease Kate in the morning. Or late at night. Or when she's armed. Actually, here: Tease Kate at your own risk. She's got contacts in the red-list community and they'll never pin it on her. You've been warned.

5. If at all possible, do not get on a plane with Helen Magnus. Or a helicopter. In fact, stay away from anything that flies. (Of course, if she takes That Tone with you, follow Rule One. And bring a survival kit.)

6. Do not attempt to improve the Sanctuary systems without prior approval. If you do, Henry will wolf out and maul you. If you do and it brings down the security system and the Nubbins escape, the entire staff will cheer him on.

7. If you see someone in a waistcoat, with pointy teeth, and a superior smile on Sanctuary grounds, ensure that Magnus knows Tesla is back. Also, no matter what he tells you, he is never allowed to 1) Experiment on any abnormal in the Sanctuary, 2) Subvert you into helping him take over the world, or 3) Make a copy of the key to the wine cellar.

8. If you see a flash of light which reveals a tall man with a facial scar and an unsettling smirk, make sure that he isn't holding a knife and back away slowly. Tell Henry that something's wrong with the EM shields. Tell Magnus that her old fiancé flame lover that John is back. Then hide until someone tells you whether he's here to help Magnus or go on a killing spree this time.

9. Stay away from the telepaths if you can. They hear everything. And tin foil hats do not work. This is a fact. It has been extensively researched.

10. If Crap, that was a question, what did he say?


	2. Rules  Magnus Style

Disclaimer: I own nothing and profit none.

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><p><em>By now, Will, you should know better than to leave sensitive documents lying around. A guide for new residents and hires is not a bad plan. This, however, is not the introduction I would care to present. Based upon the following list, I'm sure you can find time to create an appropriate manual giving an overview of the Old City Sanctuary, its current residents and practices, general safety guidelines, a guide to the Sanctuary network and, of course, anything you believe merits inclusion. I don't want to set too early of a deadline, but you would appear to have plenty of free time, so shall we say two weeks? <em>

_As for the following 'guide,' I've taken the liberty of correcting a few errors. It is strictly for your edification, naturally._

Therefore, suggest safety guidelines expand, include:  
>- subset of electrical impulses<br>- blah, blah, blah

_Up until this point, I notice that your note taking skills have improved considerably since your early days at the Sanctuary. I cannot recall a more systematic abuse of the question mark than your notes from your first week here._

Man, this meeting is boring.

_I will admit that the presenter's monotone was unfortunate and his specificity somewhat grating, but no matter how many recursive sub-subsets were recommended, Dr. Wethinghall is an expert in his area of abnormal studies and has valuable insights into our field. My notes after this point in his lecture are attached. I expect your comments in the morning._

Magnus would probably notice if I stopped taking notes and began to doodle.

_Yes. I would. _

Must keep writing, must keep writing, must keep writing.

_I might add that I also noticed when you began ignoring the presentation. Nothing in Dr. Wethinghall's lecture precluded snickering._

Hm…

Rules for the Sanctuary

1. When Helen Magnus takes That Tone with you, maintain a low profile and do exactly what she says. You might survive that way.

_Despite your insinuation, I do not routinely injure anyone in my employ. In an emergency, of course, I do prefer my orders be followed sooner rather than later. Hence, my tone might convey a certain urgency. Any intimations of violence, however, are strictly in the imaginations of the beholders. And if you would simply do as you are told, Will, you would not need to fear their leaving it._

2. Do not mess with the Nubbins. It doesn't matter how cute they look. If they escape again, you will be forced to track them all down by yourself. (Caution: They bite.)

_Leaving one person to round up the entire pack of Nubbins would most likely lead to a global incident; a situation we cannot endorse, Will, no matter how satisfying the revenge. A due caution for the uninformed, however, is not inadvisable._

3. When the Big Guy tells you to do something, just do it. Otherwise, you'll be doing it anyway, only with a headache.

_Again, if you would __do as you are told__ rather than sacrifice efficiency for the sake of wit, this warning would be unnecessary. Though, admittedly, it would be less entertaining for spectators. _

4. Do not tease Kate in the morning. Or late at night. Or when she's armed. Actually, here: Tease Kate at your own risk. She's got contacts in the red-list community and they'll never pin it on her. You've been warned.

_While Kate is a formidable young lady, I do not expect that she would appreciate said skills making an appearance in this list, particularly accompanied by the suggestion of illegal activity. And, provided you turn in your backlog of paperwork posthaste, she need never know. _

5. If at all possible, do not get on a plane with Helen Magnus. Or a helicopter. In fact, stay away from anything that flies. (Of course, if she takes That Tone with you, follow Rule One. And bring a survival kit.)

_We've discussed this before, Will. I am not cursed and a handful of accidents in 160 years is not an un-impressive record. On our next mission, you are of course welcome to take a separate flight. On a commercial airline. In coach._

6. Do not attempt to improve the Sanctuary systems without prior approval. If you do, Henry will wolf out and maul you. If you do and it brings down the security system and the Nubbins escape, the entire staff will cheer him on.

_Was your experience with the Nubbins truly so scarring, Will? This is the second reference inside of the first six rules. Surely that says something from a psychological standpoint. Perhaps you should investigate. Also, it goes without saying that threatening employees with another member of the staff is outside the bounds of good taste._

7. If you see someone in a waistcoat, with pointy teeth, and a superior smile on Sanctuary grounds, ensure that Magnus knows Tesla is back. Also, no matter what he tells you, he is never allowed to 1) Experiment on any abnormal in the Sanctuary, 2) Subvert you into helping him take over the world, or 3) Make a copy of the key to the wine cellar.

_I should probably take offense to this rule in Nikola's stead, but it is honestly a fairly helpful tip. Particularly the bit about the wine cellar; my stock will take years to recover from his latest onslaught._

8. If you see a flash of light which reveals a tall man with a facial scar and an unsettling smirk, make sure that he isn't holding a knife and back away slowly. Tell Henry that something's wrong with the EM shields. Tell Magnus that her old fiancé flame lover that John is back. Then hide until someone tells you whether he's here to help Magnus or go on a killing spree this time.

_Will, if_

9. Stay away from the telepaths if you can. They hear everything. And tin foil hats do not work. This is a fact. It has been extensively researched.

_I realize that your experience with the telepathic community has been a rocky one, but that does not excuse advocating newcomers to fear and/or shun them. Sanctuary for ALL, Will. Also, is this what you and Henry were doing when Mei-Li visited us? Wearing ridiculous headgear and repeatedly asking a visiting researcher if she can 'hear you now' is not 'extensive research,' Will. It is also hard to explain, so it is lucky for you that she has a sense of humor and might currently have the impression that you are undergoing treatment for recent head trauma._

10. If Crap, that was a question, what did he say?

_This seems like a peculiar rule, Will. Also, had you been paying attention during the meeting, it would have been an unnecessary one. As you seem to have left one member of the Sanctuary staff off of your list, might I suggest the following addendum?_

_10. When attempting to capture an elusive abnormal, it is advisable to make Will a member of the retrieval team. Without suggesting a specist stereotype, they do seem to bear him a collective grudge. It is most useful as a distraction tool while the remainder of the team gets into position for capture._

_I believe these notes will be of assistance to you; don't you agree? Remember: comments on the presentation in the morning, paperwork ASAP, guide to the Sanctuary in two weeks. If, in the future, you deem yourself to have too much time on your hands, you may simply inquire if your assistance is needed in any matter. I'm always happy to oblige._

_- Magnus_


	3. Rules Redux

Disclaimer: I own nothing and profit none.

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><p>Magnus,<p>

Sorry I missed you; Henry said you had an urgent conference call. My comments on the presentation are attached and my paperwork is in the works, you blackmailer, you. The Sanctuary Guide is on my to-do list. Aside from the insane deadline, I do think it will be a useful resource. Would it be cheating if I asked Henry and Kate to help? They know more about the security systems and armory than I do. Were I a more foolhardy man, I would also add that you know more about the history of the Sanctuary network than me, but my bravery has its limits. If you need me, I'll be shackled to my desk for the foreseeable future.

-Will

P.S. I did not leave that list 'lying around.' You stole it while I was talking with Dr. Wethinghall. I know you did. I saw you.

P.P.S. I'm sorry about Rule Eight.

P.P.P.S. Did you really have to make up a rule basically calling me 'bait'?


End file.
